Stop Fixing Yourself. Start Feeding What Works
A reflection on why we get stuck trying to fix ourselves, and how to redirect that energy into growth.
Every week, I get some version of the same three questions:
“How do I break this habit?”
“Why am I not where I thought I’d be by now?”
“Why can’t I find my person?”
Three totally different areas of life… but they all point to the same thing: we spend most of our time obsessing over what’s not working instead of feeding what already is.
When I recorded this solo episode, I noticed something interesting. Even though I’ve heard these questions hundreds of times, I still feel the same instinct they come from: that urge to fix. That sense that I need to clean something up before I can move forward.
But every time I zoom out, the pattern is clearer: the breakthroughs happen when people stop trying to repair themselves and start expanding the parts that already make them come alive.
🎙️ Watch this week’s Growth Snacks on YouTube:
3 Brief Reflections
1. The Habit Thing
When people talk about breaking smoking, drinking, sweets, porn or whatever, the conversation always starts with willpower. If I try hard enough, I can break this thing.
Habits don’t disappear because we grit harder. They fade because we stop feeding the triggers that keep them alive. We take control of the environment feeding the habit in the first place
“You don’t have a willpower problem… you have a trigger problem.”
Once you remove the triggers, what fills that space matters more than anything. Because if you don’t consciously feed something new, the old thing will always come back stronger.
Most of us don’t have a discipline problem. We have a focus problem. We’re trying to starve a habit without feeding anything new in its place.
2. The Success Thing
Someone recently wrote me “I’m 22 and I’m not near my goal of being worth $25 million by 25. I feel like I’m failing.”
When I read it, I laughed. I wasn’t laughing a them, but at how familiar that sounds.
That pressure to “make it” by a certain age used to eat me alive. I remember being in my twenties and thinking I was running out of time, even though, statistically, I hadn’t even hit the average age when most entrepreneurs hit their stride.
“Most success comes later. It might not be business one or two or ten that wins. But if you give up, you’re definitely going to fail.”
Saying that out loud reminded me: There’s something freeing about accepting that your path might take longer. Once you stop measuring against someone else’s timeline, you start noticing all the opportunity right in front of you.
And it turns out that’s where the compounding starts. Not in some future win, but in the small things that are already working now.
3. The Relationship Thing
Then there’s dating. We love to blame the apps and sometimes they deserve it. But more often, it’s that we keep searching for love in places that don’t reflect who we are.
“Go out in the real world and find the places where you can be one of the top 10% in the room.”
That’s not about ego; it’s about energy. It’s about showing up somewhere you already shine.
When I said that, I was thinking about how often people (myself included) try to attract from scarcity: from the places where we blend in, where we feel small.
Real Connection happens when you step into the environments that expand you, not shrink you. That’s where you meet your people.
What I Noticed Recording This
Recording a solo episode is strange. Editing it was challenging. I found myself judging every “umm,” “so,” and “alright.”
There’s no one nodding, no one laughing, no feedback loop. Just you talking to a lens, trying to make sense of what you believe. I felt a pressure to sound perfect… almost less human.
Listening back, I realized this episode isn’t about porn or money or dating at all. It’s about attention. What we choose to feed. And how much energy we waste trying to fix the parts of ourselves that were never broken in the first place (including filler words).
So maybe this week’s reflection is simple:
Stop feeding the parts of you that drain you.
Start feeding the parts that grow you.
Because the antidote to obsession isn’t control: it’s redirection.
For those who want the full solo episode
Next week, we’re back to meeting with phenomenal guests to learn from their wins and losses!
As always, thanks for reading and thanks for being here.
- Brian