How do you want your life to be celebrated? - Issue 05
I’m Brian and each week I publish content on personal growth. Sometimes it will be things I’ve learned in my own growth experience, but most times I’ll be answering readers’ questions about personal growth. Send me your questions, and in turn, I’ll do some research & interviews and humbly offer the best advice I find.
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Q: What do you want your funeral to look like? Not just the things that are said about you, but what do you want people to experience at your celebration?
You don’t need me to tell you this, but this year has been crazy.
First, Kobe Bryant passed away. Then COVID took off in all of the worst ways. I was planning on writing about something else today, but this news of the massive explosion in Beirut that killed dozens and injured over 4,000 is a timely reminder that the end comes often when we least expect it.
From that, I’ll first state that I hope that everyone is living their best life possible. Make a difference for as many people as you can and build something you give a shit about. That way whenever that day comes, you would have played the game of life at your max level.
And, that day is coming for everyone.
During a conversation with a good friend who has lost someone recently, we chatted about what that service looked like. I became deeply curious about what my funeral or the funeral of my closest friends would look like if we were unfortunate enough to face that sometime soon.
Most funeral celebrations look pretty similar… but I’m curious if the people who had passed would have wanted the celebrations they received. Humans seem more creative in life than the funerals are in the end. How would you want your life to be celebrated if you had full control to make it be whatever you wanted it to be?
The best life celebration I’ve ever seen
When I was 23, a friend of mine from college passed away in a DUI accident. Her name was Erica. She was actually the first person in college that I dated. She later dated my best friend after they asked for my permission of course. They were much better together.
At one point, however, on a random night in Isla Vista, CA, a group of us had discussed what people would want at their funerals if they died suddenly. Erica was the most… let’s say… eclectic in the friend group (she had a flying squirrel for a pet). So, her funeral choices were the most intriguing.
Erica requested:
A jumper for all of the kids to play in. You know one of those blow-up bounce castles. 🏰
A petting zoo for the kids, specifically with miniature horses. 🐴
A clown that would do balloon animals and paint faces. 🤡
For everyone to be wearing white. Black was specifically outlawed. 🥼
Lastly, she requested that we all drink as much Andre Champagne as we could get our hands-on. We’d never drink that today, but in college, it was the best we could afford. 🍾
Obviously, she spoke into all that never guessing that the funeral would be happening so soon afterward.
We were glad she did speak into it though because when she passed, we knew exactly what to do, and it was the best life celebration I have ever seen. There were mini horses, bounce houses (two of them), a clown, and gallons of cheap champagne. We were all sad… but we also celebrated her in the way that she celebrated her own life while she was here.
I’ve been deeply curious why I’ve never seen anything like it after and I realized I had no idea what I would want at my funeral either. I had even less of an idea what anyone I cared about would want at their celebration of life. Do you?
So, I asked, and thought it would be fun to share some of those responses.
What do you want your funeral to look like?
1. The GIF Response
I asked my friend and former employee, Elliot, and he simply responded:
As I dug deeper he said:
“I mean I’d want it to be a celebration of life. The greatest thing about weddings and funerals is that they bring people together. I’d hope that old friends who may have lost touch would come and celebrate my life, talk about fun memories.”
- Elliot
2. Fireworks & revenge
Another friend, Aleks, is known for his sarcastic curveballs and he didn’t disappoint. I was expecting him to request something Lego or Starwars themed.
His actual request was a bit different:
“If you would have asked me this 10 years ago, my top three things I would want at my funeral would be:
1. Fireworks 🎇
2. Dancers 🕺
3. Revenge 🪓
When I asked him what had changed in the last 10 years, he said:
“Yea probably no dancers now. Def still fireworks and revenge on top of all the normal stuff.”
- Aleks
So, it seems like getting married and having a family reduces your desire to have “dancers” at your funeral, but it doesn’t take away your competitive edge or drive for revenge. He made it abundantly clear that revenge was important and left it up to all of us to interpret that any way we see fit.
3. Scavenger hunt
Some answers would have required a bit of planning, creativity, and a passport. Here is one example:
“I always thought it’d be cool to lay out a hidden adventure for friends/family to have my ashes dispersed in some obscure part of the world, but that the adventure itself makes them grow as people. Like, you go to Casablanca and solve a puzzle that tells you a place to go to in Thailand. Ect…”
- Pete
If you’ve ever seen Amazing Race or Ready Player One, then you’d understand how this assignment could feel like a blast. Though this might be something Pete gets to leave around ahead of time; an adventure people discover and embark upon together.
4. Parties, dancing, and comedy shows
There was a string of responses that involved parties, dancing, and comedy shows. If you have a friend who spends most of their weekends in comedy clubs, you can borrow this one:
“A big concert comedy show and party on the beach with everyone wearing all white while dancing and singing to Beyoncé. I want a DJ and some friends and comedians making jokes about me and my family. I want my sister to sing a song for my mom and my brother to play the guitar. I also want a charity made in my name to further young women’s education and underprivileged countries in Africa and Asia.”
- Schehrezade
I’m probably not the only person who has considered taking a stab at standup comedy once or twice. I’m glad that Schehrezade would be using her celebration as a launchpad for new careers.
Another response was pretty similar, except they mandated a very different color.
“I want it to be fun and funny...maybe someone does a stand-up comedy show. I want a dance party and amazing food. Everyone gets to wear pink. Also, white flowers everywhere. When everyone leaves there is a parting gift that reminds them to be the best version of themselves.”
- Heather
I thought it was awesome that the people who most wanted to laugh and party also wanted to do some extra good for the world on their way out.
5. Everybody love everybody
The youngest person I asked gave one of the most “primitive'“ responses. Yet, it’s a funeral some of us might want to attend. I have replaced all of the words in [brackets] so that the final statement is safe for work:
“I want everyone to [make love] to their significant other. Married people and those ‘together’ must stick to their own. The single people can [party] their heart out for me. Then after the [love making], some ice cream cake.”
- Anonymous
I guess a random question deserves a random answer. I thought about finding a gif for this one, but I think you get the picture. It’s clear that he just wanted people to get over themselves and make love & connection more important than anything else, at least for a day. I’ll check in with him in 10-years to see how his answer has shifted.
A fun connection opportunity
I learned a lot about people from this exercise. Many people made it clear that they wanted their funeral to be a celebration of life. For those who responded with specifics, I learned that:
Their imaginations are wild 🗯
What they wanted was not what I imagined they’d want 😲
There was a shared theme of giving back to the world 💛
“I don’t want to think about it” was a common response I received as well. Even though the end is coming for all of us, thinking about it can be a stressful thing. What I found was that there was a fear that thinking about death would increase your likelihood of dying sometime soon. I’m not sure there is any truth to that.
In hindsight, I should have asked this group a follow-up question on what their “death planning” looked like in general. For example, do they have life insurance? My thought here is that they might be avoiding death in all the ways you can avoid planning for it.
For those who did answer, they had a lot of fun with it. Thinking of dying… it’s not that great. But thinking about all the ways your friends can have a blast when you do… that can be fun brainstorm. It makes the whole thing feel a bit lighter.
Consider brainstorming what you want and sharing it with those you care about. Here is an opportunity to deepen your connection with those people. My bet is that if you share your vision, they’ll share theirs as well. You can both be as creative as you want.
My hope is that you won’t need any of that information for quite some time. But when you do, you’ll be able to send them out with a bang!
Challenge: What do you want your life celebration to look like? Anything goes. Send me your thoughts.
What would I want?
During this exercise, when people would ask me what I wanted, I told them they’d have to read the newsletter to find out. So, here it is.
At my life celebration, I want:
A mandatory morning beach workout. I will use my death as a vehicle to encourage better health! Yes! 🏋️♂️
My friends Pete & Katie to sing at least 5 of our favorite songs. Skylar or Aleks can play the second guitar since I won’t be there. 🎸🎤
I want it to be colorful! Josh, Justine, & Heather can make all the art. 🎨
I would like for there to be EDM music, lasers, and dancers. I will define “dancers” as gogo dancers because I know some of you are curious. 😉
Lastly, I want there to be competitive games with prizes. The prizes will be for flights to some of my favorite places. I want people to travel the world… on me. I’ll be with them in spirit. 🛩
That’s it for this week! Hit me up if you have any thoughts, feedback, or insights to share.
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Cheers!
Brian ✊